Making Moves...

2004-04-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

test

2004-04-05T02:53:00.000-07:00

Im sorry kids, I forgot to tell you I moved my journal!! Im no longer a blogspotter..come and see me!!!

http://www.livejournal.com/users/livintodance/

2004-03-31T20:51:00.000-08:00

I just want to say how much I LOVE EMERALD NUTS COMMERCIALS.

THEY FREAKIN CRACK ME THE HELL UP

....cant....stop......laughing.....

2004-03-30T23:42:00.000-08:00

"Beautiful" Snoop/ Pharell.

Life is being such a rollar coaster.

Sunday was so perfect. Too perfect. I want to go back. Cari and I went to Newport beach. The weather was beyod perfect. And man...just driving with Cari is too fun for words, just driving, I could drive to the moon with that girl. After we layed out for a while, we took a walk down balboa pier. This crazy little Indian shop called "Om" had the most unique gauzy dresses and skirts...things no one wear, so of course I bought a long flowing eggplant colored number to creep out all the lemming in my school =Þ. Afterwards we walked back down to Newport pier and ate dinner there. We were at the beach for about 6 hours, but it didnt feel like it. Just walking and laughing so hard that our stomach ached, kicking around sand, making fun of boys. 15 years of friendship and I've never loved that girl more. The day was perfect.We made laughing fools of ourselves after drawing certain conclusions about boys. You see, we are walking down the peir in bathing suits, her in shorts, me in a summer dress, and well, you know how guys are. Im not being cocky in the least...but guys are so ridiculous sometimes. If i think a guy looks good, I'll give him a second glass, if eye contact is made, i may say hi or whatever. Not guys. Nooooo sir. They have to STARE....UUUUPPP AND DOOOOWWWNNNN, and then maybe omit a little "Daaammnnn". GET A GRIP.

Anyhow, we were asking ourselves WHY? Why? Do they really get anywhere with this? We bet that deep inside they were wusses! So we decided to give them their own medicine back times 7. Fun times. It goes something like this:

Yucky Boy: *staring up and down like he is watching a vertical ping pong game* to cari: "Daaammmmnnn baby, can I get your number?? Hook ya manz up!"

Cari: *pounces over in front him enthusiasitcally* "ILL GIVE YOU MORE THEN THAT BABY!!! ILL GIVE YOU SOME ASS!!!!!"

If I could only convey the look. Priceless is hardly the word.

I talked to Ann today for the first time. She really is a kindred spirit and a kind soul. Good people. Looking forward to learning more.

I am so angry about him. Why anyone would punish another person simply for caring about them is beyond me. When is it going to end? What is so wrong with me, that you cant accept unconditional friendship? You said I can talk to you, now I'm back to being scared.....

Ever sabotoge yourself for fear of what your greatness could do?

You're all so much bigger then you let on.

Especially you.

Far too lazy for any sort of grammar and spell check.

"F**k Bush" was sprayed on my wall at school. Oh thats so brilliant. With logic and insights like that, how can I not respect you. Grow up people, stop bashing our president until A. You do it, and you do it better, and B. You know what the hell you are talking about, and not just hopping on the Bush bashing wagon because its the revolutionary thing to do.

2004-03-26T09:06:00.000-08:00

"She Wanna Move" by NERD

Quick updates are in order, no?

SSW is still kicking my booty all over the place. I am sooooo tired and the work is piling on. Today is "Im determined to get everything done or at least one thing so I can convince myself I made progress day". I definitely have some accounts to visit. At 3:30 I am going to a studio in Montclair to take a hip hop class. Mark is teaching (not my instructor). Mark is one of the people who volunteered to be on my street team. He is in a few of my classes this semester, and he's a fabulous dancer. Anyhow, he is going with me tonite to a Modest Mouse concert, so lets see what he's working with first.

I don't like ballet :( I almost fell asleep at the bar yesterday. Tondu, Cudapier, high fifth, BALANCE BALANCE BALANCE! Except with my teachers accent it sounds like -BAAL OENCE!! PLEEEEAAAAAAA....RCOLEVE!! (Yes, try to pronounce releve' that way!) Actually, her accent is what makes the class interesting. She's a brilliant women from Madrid who was once recruited by Balanchine. Have I told this story before? Wow, Im getting old.

10 More days until Spring Break trip!!!!!

Sometimes people just fall apart around me....all at once. I dont get it at all. Buddy broke up with Liz. Which means she is experiencing her first heartbreak. Its so hard to watch this, and hear her. I feel so helpless, and so unjustifiable angry at him.

Last Tuesday my stupidity got me into what could have been a VERY BAD and VERY PERMANENT situation. This week, I found out it didn't. That may be code talk, I know. But praise God anyways!!

I think I lost my friend....again. One day he'll get it. Even if I have to beat him into submission.

I have a hard time with people's pride issues. Have you ever listened to two people talk, and they are passively-aggressively trying to one up each other? All polite style?

Person number #1: "Ya, me and the wife took the boat out on friday and spent the day on the lake"

Person number #2: "Oh ya, thats nice. We are having our RV renovated to add another bedroom before we take any trips"

Person number #1: "I hear ya. We couldn't take our RV out last weekend, because I just landed this account and my boss threw me a congratulatory dinner"

You get the point. Of course some topics are much more subtle then that, but its so disgusting and humorous.

There was really no point to that except im sick of it.

HAPPY FRIDAY ALL!!!

Hope you had a great trip Chew-Miester!

2004-03-21T22:51:00.000-08:00

WOAH.

"Party like a rock star" has taken on a whole new meaning.

5 days , 4 nights, 8 hours sleep TOTAL, and never ending open bar tabs. Oh ya, and of course, music ;).

Ok, this little recap may be painstakingly boring for some of ya'll. Forgive the play by play, I mainly want to document this for myself.

Wednesday morning, caught my flight no problem. Touched down in Dallas around noon, and met with 6 other reps on the same plane as me to Austin.

Wait.

Some of you don't know why I was going to Texas?

www.sxsw.com.

South By SouthWest is this HUGE week long annual musical festival in Texas. It is basically a week of NON STOP concerts at a million different venues.

So Wednesday we get in to Austin and go pick up our badges. Afterwards we all go to sky bar at the Crown Plaza where we were staying, and all hung out and got to know each other. It was so awesome and surreal. All these music loving fantastic people that I only see on line. We had a modest mouse show to cover that night. But Jay opened a tab at the bar for everyone, so we all were doing Irish Car Bombs in honor of St. Pattys day. For those of you who don't know what this is, you take a large glass of Guinness, and in a separate small glass, pour a shot of Baileys and a shot of Jameson. You drop the entire shot glass directly into the glass of beer, causing the beer to overflow out and then you chug it all together. It was pretty funny.

Here' s the problem: I had been so nervous the whole morning, that I hadn't eaten a thing. So while I thought it was all good....it hit like a sad wave all at once while walking to the MM concert. I was BEYOND DRUNK. It was scary and unexpected. We got to La Zona Rosa, and I don't know WHAT happened! All I know is I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom for so damn long that some random lady handed me a glass of ice water from underneath the stall. It was horrifying. I didn't even see Modest Mouse, I just booked it outta there, caught a cab to the hotel, and crashed.

Sad, sad start to the week kids.

The next morning we had meetings from 9am-7pm in the Crown Conference center. I have NEVER EVER been that hungover. It was absolutely vile. I couldn't sit a minute without having to get up because I thought I was going to be sick. I never did actually get there, but oooohhhhh the pain. I finally felt better around 1pm and could function. The meeting went really well. We actually had some of the newly signed artists come in and play live for us in that little room. Nellie McKay, Elkland, Midtown, etc. Good stuff. MATT PINFIELD also hung out quite a bit the whole week. Very cool guy, sharp ear.

The very cool part of the day was when JOE PERRY decided to stop by and hang. If you are reading this right now and saying to yourself "Who's Joe Perry?". Then you, my friend, not only are forbidden to EVER talk to me again, but I COMMAND you to go to google.com this instant and look him up! He was super cool, and so rock star. Had the swagger, the stogie, and everything. We took pictures and chilled. Very Nice.

Afterwards, Marissa, Jessie, and I decided to go get some sushi. We walk into this crowded little place and wait forever to get a menu. About 45 minutes after we knew what we wanted, the waitress finally comes over and casually says "We are all out of sushi tonite, sorry". She also brings Marissa's beer warm, with a cup of ice. Straaaange times. 2 thumbs down.

That night we went to see Franz Ferdinand. I hung with Casey for the night and listened enviously as he spoke of his travels to Europe, very cool. Of course we had an open tab there too....man. You guys don't understand the madness of this all. Imagine Vegas, only a lot more musical, and a lot more crowded. Austin was rocking at all hours of the day, and the reps...all 35 of us were wild and different in our own hilarious way. It was like a really eccentric episode of the Real World. Anyhow Franz rocked our worlds, and then Casey, Dave, Jessie, and I, stayed out till about 3 or 4am checking out the different venues and never quite deciding what to eat. I went over to Jays suite, which was the "hang out, act a fool, and drink beer" spot for everyone the whole time when you weren't at a show. You could always find something crazy going on there. Michelle, Dom, Nick, and I, went to IHOP, and I got bed around 7:30am.

The next day we all got ready to go to the Coheed and Cambria show. Again, open bar. Need I say more? Coheed was AWESOME live, as was Sparta afterwards. We couldn't stay for the whole show and had to run to the Driskell hotel, where Nellie McKay and Wheat were playing. It was quite adorable. I don't really know what to say about Nellie, except that she is a phenomenon. I don't care how musically in tune you are, you have heard nothing like her in your life. So surreal, this crazy 19 year old prodigy with an old soul. If you haven't checked her, let me know, I will be happy to send you her CD. Scott and hung that night and stopped to talk to the Raveonettes, and chill with Nellie. Its so laughable how every one of our guy reps is so in love with her. They are such giddy school boys when she is around.

Afterwards, Annie, Dave, Colin, and myself, went to stubbs to see Snow Patrol. I did leave halfway through to catch Alkaline Trio, only to leave before the show started. I was suddenly hit with the most intense homesick feeling. I was dying for a familiar face. I am so surprised at myself sometimes! I called Cari and she calmed me down for the most part. But Eeww. I had to force myself to sleep for forget it all.

Thank God on Saturday I woke with a renewed spirit. It was Saturday!! We had one night, and dammit, lets make the most of it! I hung out with Kara in the AM for a bit and then headed out to breakfast with some reps. We ran into, and chilled with PHARRELL. Hell yes. He was AWESOME. Completely down to earth, so sweet and so cool. So incredibly nice. That guy is a GEM. I LOVED HIM.

Sarah and I went to the Take Action Tour. We saw Fear Before the March of Flames, Bleeding Through, Murder by Death, and International Noise Conspiracy. Weird moment: there was a group of midgets all holding hands and walking in and out of the crowd. When you have had a drink or two, that's a really strange sight. Halfway through INC, Scott and I couldn't take it anymore, and went to go sleep for a bit. Weird moment: We stopped by a sidewalk vendor where Scott got some BBQ sandwiches, and behind the vendor was the guys Taurus Station wagon, full of bloody sheets! You'll be repulsed to know we still ate the damn sandwiches.

After resting a bit I headed back to Jays suite, where everyone was acting a FOOL. That poor hotel room. Poor housekeeping. For some reason the phrase "Im Rick James, BITCH!" was being uttered way to much. It was hilarious. A bunch of us went in Nicks car to see the Clipse/ NERD show. Where Jay opened tab once again, and Clipse cancelled and were replaced by Crystal Meth, who were excellent. Scott and I decided to see just how man Red Bull and Vodkas could be consumed in one show. Straaaaangeness going on there. When we got back to the hotel around 1:30 everyone was going at it in Jays room again. Donnies wild antics. Doms vulgar mouth. Funny moment: Michelle steals beer from the suite to smuggle back to her room. Josh and PK go after her to give her a hard time. "There a party in my room to you guys!" she told them. To which PK says "Ya well, there's a party in my pants, but you don't see me smuggling beer there!". In their drunken state, this sent them into total hysterics. At about 7am everyone went to IHOP except PK and I, who probably couldn't be coherent enough to order food if we tried. It seemed like in no time at all it was time to catch the shuttle to the airport. It was over so fast. Those last 24 hours were awesome. Michelle and I killed the last few minutes of time by completely harassing Omri. He had passed out drunk on the couch, and we put him in various poses, all while keeping a plastic bull and horns mask on his head. Teehee.

So I am sitting here, typing like a damn zombie. I am so tired. And bummed at this post, as I don't have the energy to think of creative ways to convey the excitement of the week.

Also, www.sstxo.com. Support me....sign up. Learn some things about music.

And for my friends who are flabbergasted at the drinks and partying...when in Rome my friends, when in Rome.

Sweet Dreams world.

2004-03-16T19:29:00.000-08:00

I LIED! IM sorry!!

I have to finish packing!
And its 7:30pm and Adam just called and wants to meet for coffee.
I suck so I said yes. I have to go!!

I'll see you all Sunday! Wish me luck!

2004-03-15T21:13:00.000-08:00

"Freetime: by Kenna

I am so utterly exhausted its sickening. Im gonna fall over DEAD. I am not ready for Texas, my Anthropology test, or my Algebra anything. I guess its maybe a little my fault since i was out all night last night. (makes angelic face). We went to Gothams last night and had a few drinks. We were both pretty un-sober, but since it doesn't close till 2am, thought we were all good. Then at 12:30 there is a sudden evacuation of the entire club, and all these drunk people are stumbling around the parking lot. It was a mess. But it was rather a funny mess, as we were all these loud beligerent people. Anyhow, didn't get home and to bed until 2:30. And had math and dance early in the AM.

Oh! Hi! Your still here! I'm sorry....I dozed off. Anyhow, I leave for Texas in a day and a half so i need to go prepare. I'm too tired to say anything of any rationale anyways.

Nighty Night!

2004-03-13T20:02:00.000-08:00

"Lovin you is easy" by Journey.

We had this great tearful moment in our family today. Our "baby" is gone. Oswaldo Guillien Cruz. Not ours anymore. Graduated into adulthood. Those sweet big brown eyes and and shy smile are now those of an adult man.

Oswaldo is a poor child in honduras that we have been sponsoring since he was a baby boy. We have snt moeny religiously every month. Extra for holidays, birthdays, and illnessses. Every couple of months we received a letter from Oswaldo regarding is education and progress. Recently he turned 19. When we received his finally letter in the mail, i think we were all a little more upset then we expected. He was so a part of our lives. His pictures framed as if he was our own. The letter thanked us profusely, and said that though we may never meet...we will always be in his heart.

With his letter, a separate letter came asking if we wanting so sponsor another child. When his picture fell out of letter, we all gave a little gasp. Bryan Vasquez Canales is 2 years...and one of the cutest little things I have ever laid eyes on. I will be scanning his pic soon. Its so incredible....starting this all over...helping raise another life a million miles away.

I am going to steal 2 question thingies from Anns Blog. Because, well, they're fun, and Im seeing them everywhere!

1. What was the last song you heard?
"Let Me Roll" by Seal

2. What were the last two movies you saw?
The Passion of The Christ and 50 First Dates

3. What were the last three things you purchased?
A bathing suit, Hubcaps, and Gas

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
Algebra exam, promote at the Yeah Yeah Yeah show, purchase plane tickets to AL, and Fax in my school schedule.

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Mom, Oscar, Cari, Liz, Amber.

A - Age : 23
B - Band listening to right now : Wheat
C - Career in future: Choreographer
D - Dessert of choice: Fresh chocolate chip cookies, or I.D. Clair.
E - Easiest person to talk to: Liz Bassford
F - Favorite song at the moment: "She Says" by Howie Day
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Bears, the clear ones.
H - Hometown: L.A.
I - Instruments: My Fender stuff.
K - Kids: Celestial
L - Longest car ride ever: The one to Alabama
M - Mom's name: Hope Vaiarelli
N - Number of siblings: 1 1/2
P - Phobia[s]: Cockroaches, Germs.
Q - Favorite Quote: That requires far too much thought.
R - Reasons to smile: A nailed combo, Isabelle's singing, summer days at the pool, Tea and a book, new Sony shipments, driving fast with Maroon 5 blasting.
S - Song you sang last: "Lovin you is easy" by Journey
T - Time you wake up: 7-ish
U - Unknown fact about me: Haha, there a ton of the,
V - Vegetable you hate: Brussel Sprouts, Water Chestnuts.
W - Worst habit: Talking for people, being judgemental.
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, abdomen.
Y - Yummy food: Thai Food.
Z - Zodiac sign: The only sign I have is the one on the air freshener in my car, and thats a a cute fuzzy bunny that says "Hey, you made me throw up a little" So...

2004-03-13T00:25:00.000-08:00

"I don't want you back" By Eamon

Such a true and therapeutic song.

*sigh*

Ok....sad moment over!!

This week flew by amazingly fast...and all these incredible things are happening all at once.

Let's start with Sunday. It was a nice lazy day. And I had to conversations that have been needing to be had for such a long time. One with an old friend who I believe still isn't my biggest fan, but is nobly making the effort. It was so damn good just to hear from him. He wont ever be aware what a huge deal that was to me. I also had another conversation. With a very different friend. And I don't know what to say...except I couldn''t suppress a giddy smile the whole next day. You are....many things.

Monday. Ah well, I love Mondays anyhow, dancing and more dancing.

Tuesday was Tuesday.

Wednesday was a WONDERFUL day. It was a day I haven't had in years and years. Where you feel so light and joyful...like a child. I got to school earlier then usual and ran into Julius..who is one of the best guys in the world! We hung for a while....well...actually, I hung, he talked about boobs. Next up was Advanced Jazz.

Let me pause to explain something about this dance class. I took it and dropped it mid-semester in fall. See, I have been dancing since I was a little girl, and when I was a teenager auditioned for and made a competitive team. But when I became pregnant with Rach, I gave up for a while, for obvious reasons. When she was 3 I decided to go back...unfortunately, this is also the time I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer. (pre-cancerous cells). The medication I was on made me gain so much weight so rapidly, that I didn't have the self esteem to go on. Anyhow, since Alabama, I have been off that medication (and cancer free I might add) and lost most of the weight rather rapidly.

Anyhow, walking into this class last semester, I foolishly thought that I would pick right up where I left off and be this wonderfully flexible and perfect technically dancer. When that didn't happen, I came down so hard on myself. The instructor told me "I think you can do this April, but I think mentally you have screwed yourself". She was so right. I continued with Beginning and Intermediate Jazz to gain some self esteem. I was scared to try again, but Liz said she would with me. And ...I get it. I mean, I GET IT. Wednesdays across the floor combo was a Jazz walk, soda box, ball change, and reverse chaine turns...NO PROBLEM. It feels so damn good.

After class, Cari, Liz, and I, went to buddys and laid out at the pool. Oh my word it felt good. Just to lay in the sun...listen to music...and just be. We got so lazy that we decided to skip our last class. We stayed out there for hours, and then got some strange urge to smoke a cigar. (don't ask) we piled into caris car and settled for bidis. So the three of us plus Buddy and Kif sat around the pool, telling horrifically funny stories and puffed on some bidis. Afterwards we went to the park. Swinging and wrestling barefoot. It felt like summer. It felt right. I love my friends so much.

Cari bought out airline tickets today. We will be in AL from the 13-18th. A big thank you to Stew...who will most likely be fighting his anti-flying ways to get us from the airport...THANKS STEW!

I love being a choreographer. Its such a compelling passion. It overtakes everything. I was listening to "scream" today by Michael and Janet, and was getting so excited at the changes of temp...the shifts in time. Imagining all the moves that can flow with it. It makes me so THRILLED when a song comes on that challenges me like that. Does anyone else get excited about music like that?

Cari and Amber helped me cover a "Yeah Yeah Yeah" show today. I am so grateful.

I believe thats all folks. I leave for Texas on Wednesday...so I will certainly add a goodbye before I leave.

Also, if you love music..PROVE IT!! Sign up at www.sstxo.com

*End Shameless Plug*

P.S. Too tired too care about typos.

2004-03-10T21:30:00.000-08:00

I am soooooooooo mad now! I just wrote the longest post and it got lost!! GRRRRRRRRRR. Just for that, you people get NOTHING!!!

2004-03-06T13:41:00.000-08:00

I am upset. And thus, feel the need to vent. I don't know who reads this silently. But I'll vent to you anyway. Why on earth do people attack each other for no legitimate reason? What was the logic behind the shenanigans? I never ever talk to you. Never tried to find out why you turned out be fake. It's none of my business. And you know what? I have posted on your blog a few times over the last 6 months. All positive encouraging things, always wishing the best for you. So what was that? Not only do you go out of your way to insult me, but then you unblock me for the sole purpose of what? Seeing how mad I can get? I seriously don't get you. I want to cuss and tell you off...but its more perplexing then angering.

Moving on....

Looks like half of that week in Alabama with Cari will be spent in Pensacola. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to this. I graduate in June, and then have all the time in the world to dedicate to Sony. Its amazing to me that I have the job of my dreams. One of my biggest fears in life has been to be one of the millions of Americans who dread Mondays. Who live paycheck to paycheck. Who left behind their passions and dreams to do the average 9-5. I got my business cards in the mail a few days ago.

April Franco
Lifestyles Marketing Representative
Sony Music Label Group
550 Madison Ave, 24th floor
New York, New York 10222-3211

I feel like I should frame it. I don't mean to babble on, but I feel incredibly fortunate.

I have been in touch with ShowStoppers amongst other competitive conventions. We are going to get Ascensions into some shows. That means that God willing, my choreography will be seen at a national level.

Liz and I got into a discussion about our biggest fears. The kind that you never really say aloud because it gnaws away at you enough without talking about. The kind that for the most part, are irrational. Here are 2 of mine: I have this wired fear that I will end up homeless. I have a promising job and a great future, and a family that would never let that happen. But somehow, the thought of it paralyzes me. I also have this fear of never being in another relationship. It's not a fear at the moment at all, seeing as how its the last thing I want/ need. But I get worried that when I do, that it will be extremely rough. For some reason there are so many stereotypes about single mothers, and I also, because of the girls, will be as picky as they come.

So there ya go...your turn...what's one of yours?

P.S David Woo....what has happened? I am worried about you.

P.P.S...I find it ironic that upon doing spell check on the blogger website, that "Blogger" is not a word,

2004-03-05T22:15:00.000-08:00

To Cari:

http://photos.yahoo.com/afranco92553

Let me know if you have problems.

I love you!!

2004-03-05T20:00:00.000-08:00

"Numb" by Michael Tait.

I met a guy this morning.

His name is Bryce, and he is 22 years old. He broke my heart...and I cried for him.

No, I didn't fall in love in a day. I met a homeless man. A man my age. A man so young and full of life yet so lost and struggling that the fact that I couldn't fix it all for him in a day brought forth more tears then any other cliche' issue I have had to deal with lately.

Bryce was fired from his job by Liberty Tax Income when they found out he was homeless. They are scum, don't use them.

It just makes me feel so sorrowful, so guilty for the fact that I bought shoes today. So ungrateful for the blessings I have. Like I wont be satisifed until I have given up everything in the name of equality. But will I? No. Because when it comes down to it, I am a selfish person like everyone else. I suppose some solace can be made in todays progress. He has new connections now, hopefully some that will help him get his life on track. But he also has my heart. Not in an eros way, but in an aching, why-cant-I-fix-this-way. I wonder what he's doing right now. Dear Lord, don't let him cry tonight, and please, let life begin anew for him.

I got my car back today. I gave him the best bath ever and simply basked in its automobile glory. Cari and I are planning a drive out to Alabama on our spring break. Pretty excited about that. All the awesome friends I met out there and my best friend of 15 years with me. Its the stuff that dreams are made of folks.

"....goodnite dear void"

2004-03-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

"Like a Stone" By Audioslave

I have been thinking about you a lot lately. We never speak at all. I see you on, you never say a word. I am too chicken to because it ended so stupidly. But we were friends weren't we? In spite of everything you were and will always one of my favorite people in the whole world. Remember how much laughter there was?? That's what stands out to me most. I know your happy, and Im so happy for you. But I want my friend back. Nothing more, nothing else. The balls in your court. Lets try it...I know you know I am talking about you, so do me a favor. Email me, call me, IM me, SOMETHING.

Today....ugh. Just ugh. My eyes hurt as a result of it all.

I HATE American Idol.

I was supposed to do some travelling with Liz today, instead she ended up in urgent care :(. No word yet...

Cari is going with me to Alabama...yay!! So now we are deciding whether to fly out there, or take a road trip. That girl is my heart. Praise God for real friends. Including the guy with the "voice". You are awesome, I love you.

As for the other "you". I miss you. I hope you are ok...though I know you are. Just do me a favor...STOP ALMOST KILLING YOU AND THOSE AROUND YOU!!!! You're of no use to me dead ;).

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
This line doesn't rhyme
And neither does this one

2004-02-29T17:35:00.000-08:00

I have been asked on more then one occasion how it felt to be a mother at 16. I'd have to sum up the whole experience with this, obviously some points are different. I didn't have a career, I had a childhood:

"Zion" by Lauryn Hill

Unsure of what the balance held
I touched my belly overwhelmed
By what i had been chosen to perform
But then an angel came on day
Told me to kneel down and pray
For unto me a man child would be born
Woe this crazy circumstance
I knew his life deserved a chance
But everybody told me to be smart
Look at your carreer they said
"Lauryn,baby use your head"
But instead i choose to use my heart

Now the joy of my heart is in zion

How beautiful if nothing more
Than to wait at zion's door
I've never been in love like this before
Now let me pray to keep you from
The perils that surely come
See life for you my prince has just begun

And i thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of his grace
See I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create
And i'm reminded everytime i see your face

That the joy of my world is in zion

...Just thought I'd share.

2004-02-29T10:49:00.000-08:00

"Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5

14.285714285714286% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?

I protest!!!

This test is grossly inaccurate!!

I am allll nerd baby!

I have a lot of "friends" (acquaintences) who dont know anything about me. We talk all the time. But they know nothing. And that is because they are too busy talking about them. I could say, "Oh my gosh, my leg hurts so bad since the operation" and they will say "I need a new ____". I cannot fathom people so self absorbed that they dont even care anything about the person they talk to. Friendships and conversations should be a give and take process. That bothers me a lot. What bothers me even more is that I let it happen. I talk to people all the time and I am interested in them and in their problems and want to be a good friend, but shouldn't i stop talking to them? Why aid the self-absorbedness? Is that even a word?

I am worried about a dear friend who is hurting but i fear is in perpetual denial. Pray for her.

I hate algebra. I am terrible at it. I dont get it. If anyone reading this is good at algebra..please...please help me.

I am sick of "newlyweds" but the episode where they are going to sing together and are warming up really cracks me up. So many random grunts, groans, and yelps. Its like my family on Thanksgiving.

Texas in 3 weeks. Whoah....

2004-02-28T06:42:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to give a big Weeeeeeeeee. I have to cover a Howie Day, and a Switchfoot show. This makes me Happppyyyy!!!!!!!!

2004-02-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

"Breathe" by Lifehouse

My job is incredible. I covered the Liz Phair show in Hollywood last night at the house of blues. I promote music. I give people free CD's. I get huge shipments of crazy cool stuff almost daily. Free concert tickets. All expense paid trips. School is incredible this semester. I am in 4 dance classes. I have 4 pieces in the dance concert. One completely choreographed and performed my Liz, Cari, and I. My 2 best friends in the world are in my dance classes. I lost almost every pound I gained on medication. I have plans, and they are falling into place. I saw the Passion of the Christ on Sunday and have been in a perpetually "moved" state of mind ever since. (please see it). Life seems to be going so well. Why then, can I not shake the tugs? Today I was browsing through blogs i never look at anymore. Cap and Kelsey. Those posts about her. Is that what I lost? Willfully? Was it right? Am I an unlovable person? Am I as horrid as he says? Can one person seriously justify every false and hurtful move they have ever made by blaming someone else for provoking them?

I am sad. Really sad. Somethings wrong tonight. Something's missing. And its threatening me.

Did you know that in Bali, there is no word for "art"? There is not sa eparational word, because their life is art. They are ritualistic and beautiful. Boys learn dance like we learn baseball.They spend hours and hours weaving and meticulously creating masks to please the deitys. (sp?). When a newborn baby enters this world, it is considered sacred, belonging to the gods. It is not allowed to touch the soiled earth until its 105th day of existence. Then, a ceremony comences, it is now considered under the authority of its parents, and its feet touches the earth. Small words are written on flower petals. These people live on rice. They dont care who is not size 4. They dont worry about MAC makeup and 7 jeans, and whether they can buy a bigger better new house. And they are HAPPY. Joyful. Traditionalists. They are not worshipping the britneys of this world or getting on Atkins. Americas disgusts me on this level. The arts are so unnappreciated, out of reach. We are so oversexed and self absorbed. So important. In such a rush. Me first! I want now! Money money money. More more more. YUCK!!

Enough.

Whens the last time you read? Or went to see some live theatre? Or went to a museum? (the people who read this blog are the exception. I have fabulously intelligent friends). Its probably been a while. But I bet you know what happened on Friends this week. Why??? "Im sooooo tired at the end of the day". Oh gimme a break. Your life is so taxing that you cant take in what beauty is left in this world without your brain hurting? You notice how much TV we watch? You notice the people we watch on TV hardly ever watch TV? We are watching other people live their lives!! We sit and watch. Eyes, looking, looking, watching. Kinda creepy.

Of course I watch TV. I love Friends. Love movies. I may be a little dramatic. But american life seems to be based on absurdities.

Also, I dont know what love is.

My feet are cold, I cant breathe. I miss my friends that I never hear from. And this whining is getting on my nerves.

Its time for some tylenol PM.